July 2007 Archives

My mom never met a New Age fad she didn't like. She usually got into them before they were well known and had moved on by the time they showed up on Oprah. It didn't help that some of her fads made it into accepted culture (30 years later) and provided validation. We were going to Chiropractors in the 70's, look-into-your-eye-to-determine-which-gland-was-hyperactive in the 80's, and the 90's were her heyday with Noni-juice, Brain Gym, crystals for your computer monitor, and metals to sooth the soul. So when I broke with Mormonism I also broke with New Age mysticism: the two were one and the same when I was growing up.

Last year we saw a play by Julia Sweeney where she chronicled her atheism. One of the more surprising things she said was that she still goes to Catholic mass. She's come to terms with what religion is to our species and she's ok with that. I admire her open-mindedness. I have no good memories of going to Mormon church, so it brings me no comfort. However, I have friends who are a little bit on the New Age side.

One of them visited us over the weekend. I wouldn't call her "New Age" by any means, but compared to me she leans that way a bit. I first met her in 2004 when her then-boyfriend (later husband) who is still one of our best friends, brought her up to Seattle on a little getaway. I had only been out of Utah for a year and was still tense/angry/bitter about life in general.

Fast forward to 2007 and they come by with their infant son and we spent the day together. It was a beautiful Seattle day with clouds and a little rain and not very warm. At one point she said to me "you look so much better these days" (80 lbs lighter, working a job I like...) "your aura is just so positive"

Insert scratching-record-sound here.

My "aura"???!!! And that's when it hit me: I'm still a bit too annoyed with the whole New Age thing. A little bitter. I don't think she meant that I have an other-worldly glow about me that can be photographed by infrared cameras. It was just her way of saying "you look happy." And I am. And it was very nice of her to notice. And I need to be a little less bitter about some things.

Religious (including New Age) expressions are more social constructs than theological absolutes. "God bless you" isn't really a wish to convince the all powerful creator of heaven and earth to change his mind and not make you stub your toe. It's an express of "I like you, I want good things to happen to you." I think I was very deeply burned by the New Age/Mormon world that spawned me, so much that even innocuous expressions make me cringe for what they used to mean.

I thanked her, and agreed, and we had a wonderful day.

By the end of a semester these groups of about 20+ students dwindle to a few die-hards while the others focus on studying, pair off, get married, or just realize that they have something better to do with their Monday nights. But those first few weeks are filled with optimism about making new friends, finding your soul-mate, or just being a good little Mormon. 

So imagine an apartment crammed with 20 Mormons who have never met, trying to pretend that they are now siblings (eerily incestous ones at that). Usually, during this first meeting, there's some sort of go-around-the-room-indroducing-yourselves that takes most of the allotted time. During one such meeting I was delighted to discover that the one hot chick in the ward was in my group. 

Pause here to consider my definition of "hot" as a 22 year old Mormon: she had tits and wasn't a fatty.

Though to be fair to myself from back then, I usually ruled out the prissy/bitchy women right away because they were too shallow. I also ruled out the good little Mormon girls because they were too stupid. With 99% of the women out of my list, I was lucky to find one in a given semester that piqued my interest at all. She was usually the smart rebellious one who thought I was too straight-laced to be any fun and left BYU the next semester because it was wwwaaaayyyyy too stifling. 

Well, when the one hot-rebellious-smart chick introduced herself, she was trying to think of a word to use to describe herself. Thinking out loud she said "it starts with an 'e' but I can't quite think of it." I saw my chance! I was smart, I knew words, I could come to her rescue. In my brilliant mind I came up with "eccentric." 

"no, not that, but similar"

My dick shrunk three sizes that day. We moved on until the very end, when she remembered the word: eclectic.

To this day I remember that word because it could have got me laid. Time to let go yet?