A lunatic is easily recognized. He is a moron who doesn't know the ropes. The moron proves his thesis; he has a logic, however twisted it may be. The lunatic, on the other hand, doesn't concern himself at all with logic; he works by short circuits. For him, everything proves everything else. The lunatic is all idée fixe, and whatever he comes across confirms his lunacy. You can tell him by the liberties he takes with common sense, by his flashes of inspiration, and by the fact that sooner or later he brings up the Templars.
Umberto Eco, Faucaults' Pendulum
Have you ever wondered "whatever happened to 'ol so and so"....so much that it seeps into your subconscious and manifests itself in your dreams? Maybe not for you, from what I've read here you seem to have run screaming from your past. And that statement has no judgment in it whatsoever. The thing I dislike about blogs, IM, Text-ing, etc. is its difficulty in transferring mood and inflection in the written message, which leaves considerable room for misunderstanding. But I digress; the only point to make is I have thought of you a lot over the years, and especially lately. Maybe it's that 20 year THS reunion that's looming (which I am not attending) but whatever the reason my searching for you has brought me here and has put and end to the wondering. You seem to be doing well and somewhat content in life (I suppose as content as any of us ever really are). Congratulations on the weight loss and the new toys. To me, you look about the same as I remember, except for your eyes. There's a mischievous light that seems to have faded, but then after so many years, who of us hasn't lost a little something. Best wishes for your future and continued success.
You know, I think if there's something I hate most on the internet, it's the sudden jump in people from the past passing judgement on our lives. I'm sorry, but do people really think we like getting cheerful emails headed with "Really? You do *that*? I expected so much more from you!" ?
You know what? People don't stay exactly the way you imagined them. They change in strange and unpredictable ways into the people that *they* always wanted to be. You only knew them when they were still hiding behind what everyone else wanted them to be. Sure, we all have regrets, poor choices, the wear of age and stress and hard work. And I'm sure everyone still sees places they can improve. But nostalgia for our childish years? That is a sad state and deserves nothing but a swift kick to the head.
And you know what? Real friends stay in touch. I have those, you know, real friends. People who stick around when the shit hits the fan. I know Jeffrey does too. So to all you Classmates.com pathetic losers - go "reconnect" somewhere else. We've already learned what your friendship was worth: spit.
/rant
2 Things;
First, that you would reply with such venom and hostility to someone who was only curious to know if Jeff (Jeffrey) was alive and well and offer their best wishes to him is stunning. No one is throwing stones at your glass house! There was not a single judgment made in anything I said. Of course people grow and change…so what?! And just because you lose track of someone who once meant a lot to you, doesn’t mean you don’t still remember them as a friend.
Second, why are you responding to a post that wasn’t even about you? If Jeff wants to tell me to *piss-off* I’m certain he can do it himself. Do your overwhelming insecurities make you worried that he might “reconnect” with someone who is a threat to you? And just FYI, I didn’t need Classmates.com to find Jeff, I knew him longer than High School, but his name is listed on there, so he must have checked it out himself at some point.
Jeff, I am glad to know you are doing well and do wish you all the best.
mleiv, maybe you should go have another glass of wine, or two, and get over yourself.
OK kids, calm down.
My memories of High School are mostly filled with anxiety at trying to do what I thought was expected of me coupled with a nervous self-effacing sense of humor I used to preempt being laughed at for something I didn't intend. I felt trapped and suffocated and couldn't wait to leave. Still, I have a few fond memories and have wondered what became of a several people I knew.
The problem is where I took my life after. Singing and acting were not in my blood, but they were a safe way to pass the time. I have no regrets that I participated in them, but they were not for me. If there's a bit of a dark cloud over my little corner of the Internet its because I have been through a lot of shit in the last 20 years. But my mercurial glint is all the more pronounced for it, its a pity anonymous can't see that.
MLEIV has been witness to, sometimes agent of, and sojourner with my last 13 years of changes. If she's defensive its out of love and annoyance that people respond to illusions, not reality. Only one person from High School bothered to be a part of my life after 1988. To anyone else who thinks of me, I'm not really a person, just a dream; to most, I'm not even that.
Whatever anonymous' avowed intentions, the comments are laced with judgements about my life and the discrepancy between what I present of myself here and what anonymous thought I would be. I'm more than just content with my life, I'm happier than I ever thought I'd ever be: I have a job where I actually influence the way technology will touch people's lives, I have MLEIV with me as a friend, lover, and companion, I've discovered whole new worlds of thought and experience that I had stayed away from out of anxious fear. One set of very dark days are behind me, though they serve to remind me that things could always go south again, they also remind me that things are great now and I should soak it up.
I'm always happy to spend time connecting online, but anonymous posts commenting on how I look sad isn't a good way to do that. Try jeffrey_sewell at yahoo.com.
20 year reunion? Can't see myself going back to Utah for that.