My fetish for all things cooking goes back to the late 70's when I was a little kid, home all summer with nothing to do but watch daytime TV (or play in the 110 degree Arizona heat). It was either watch PBS or Soap Operas. Julia Child won.
In the 90's, when I was on my own and finally got basic cable, I quickly became a food network junkie. The channel has had many shows that should have never been born (Martha Stewart always made my skin crawl, Emeril is a lousy cook); most were just informational, very few were actually good. But still I watched, learned, and dreamed of a day when I could get decent kitchen supplies, a useful kitchen, and access to good ingredients.
I also read. A lot. I had just finished "On Food and Cooking" (hmm, I need that new edition...) when Alton's show, Good Eats, debuted. At first it was a revelation! Basically it was the TV version of that book. I watched it religiously and learned much. When we moved to Seattle my cooking languished, still I read and watched and learned. In the last few years I've finally been able to cook again and experiment and put all my learning into practice. That's when I discovered that I hated Alton.
It was during the contest show "America's Next Food Network Star" when it happened. The contestants had a challenge to participate in an Iron Chef contest where they were first the chefs, then the announcers. If you've seen the Iron Chef format, you know that there's one master announcer (Alton in the American version) and then two runners who work the floor while the chefs do their thing. Well, during this competition Alton was being a complete ass, asking the floor announcers really obscure questions, trying to rattle them. One of the contestants, in the heat of the moment, shot back some little insult to Alton. He had a fit. A childish pout about how she was the bitch and he was the master and she should not talk back to him that way (well, that was the post-production version with voice-overs, so maybe it didn't go down that way).
That's when it hit me: Alton is a nerd and a lousy cook to boot.
First, the nerd part.
There he sits, imperiously looking down on others while they compete. Commenting, criticizing, and being a basic know-it-all. He can tell you the physics behind why something sticks to a grill or why that hollandaise is a buttery mess. He'll do his show with cheesy stories and lousy acting. And its always him who plays each part.
I bet he was always the Dungeon Master when he played D&D as a kid.
Then, there's his food.
I've tried his recipes in the past and they have not turned out well. The brownies were like dense, dry cakes. The macaroni and cheese was gooey with a terrible texture. But I attributed that to my own failings as a cook (and my lousy ovens). But it was watching him on his new show where he drives around the country and eats what the locals eat... that convinced me that it wasn't just me: he really has no taste in food.
He was at some LA grease pit where the cops go for burgers, getting advice on what's good. They recommended some heart-attack inducing monstrosity that had more than a pound of meat with various other fried things on it. Alton loved it. It was basically a vehicle for fat and carbs. It will give you gall stones, cholesterol will go through the roof, insulin will spike, and it will be exploding out of you later in a brown, gassy, noxious mess. But mmmmm so tasty! Where's the subtlety? The nuance? The delicate flavors? Any idiot can slap together a mess of grease and meat, slide it on a bun and call it food.
This past weekend, the final nail went into the Alton Brown coffin. I was watching part of a special where several Food Network chefs each cooked a summer dish in South Beach, FL. Tyler Florence was the glue holding all the different segments together. As he helped Alton with some grilled fish thing, Tyler made the mistake of saying something helpful for us viewers at home. Alton had to cut him off and explain, in his know-it-all way, why what Tyler said was obvious and how much more about it Alton knew. His was the most boring dish at the table, but he was the most pompous.
You were just grilling fish. Get over yourself!!!!
Time to TiVo Giada's shows. Even when her shows are bad she at least has a nice body and an infectious smile.
In the 90's, when I was on my own and finally got basic cable, I quickly became a food network junkie. The channel has had many shows that should have never been born (Martha Stewart always made my skin crawl, Emeril is a lousy cook); most were just informational, very few were actually good. But still I watched, learned, and dreamed of a day when I could get decent kitchen supplies, a useful kitchen, and access to good ingredients.
I also read. A lot. I had just finished "On Food and Cooking" (hmm, I need that new edition...) when Alton's show, Good Eats, debuted. At first it was a revelation! Basically it was the TV version of that book. I watched it religiously and learned much. When we moved to Seattle my cooking languished, still I read and watched and learned. In the last few years I've finally been able to cook again and experiment and put all my learning into practice. That's when I discovered that I hated Alton.
It was during the contest show "America's Next Food Network Star" when it happened. The contestants had a challenge to participate in an Iron Chef contest where they were first the chefs, then the announcers. If you've seen the Iron Chef format, you know that there's one master announcer (Alton in the American version) and then two runners who work the floor while the chefs do their thing. Well, during this competition Alton was being a complete ass, asking the floor announcers really obscure questions, trying to rattle them. One of the contestants, in the heat of the moment, shot back some little insult to Alton. He had a fit. A childish pout about how she was the bitch and he was the master and she should not talk back to him that way (well, that was the post-production version with voice-overs, so maybe it didn't go down that way).
That's when it hit me: Alton is a nerd and a lousy cook to boot.
First, the nerd part.
There he sits, imperiously looking down on others while they compete. Commenting, criticizing, and being a basic know-it-all. He can tell you the physics behind why something sticks to a grill or why that hollandaise is a buttery mess. He'll do his show with cheesy stories and lousy acting. And its always him who plays each part.
I bet he was always the Dungeon Master when he played D&D as a kid.
Then, there's his food.
I've tried his recipes in the past and they have not turned out well. The brownies were like dense, dry cakes. The macaroni and cheese was gooey with a terrible texture. But I attributed that to my own failings as a cook (and my lousy ovens). But it was watching him on his new show where he drives around the country and eats what the locals eat... that convinced me that it wasn't just me: he really has no taste in food.
He was at some LA grease pit where the cops go for burgers, getting advice on what's good. They recommended some heart-attack inducing monstrosity that had more than a pound of meat with various other fried things on it. Alton loved it. It was basically a vehicle for fat and carbs. It will give you gall stones, cholesterol will go through the roof, insulin will spike, and it will be exploding out of you later in a brown, gassy, noxious mess. But mmmmm so tasty! Where's the subtlety? The nuance? The delicate flavors? Any idiot can slap together a mess of grease and meat, slide it on a bun and call it food.
This past weekend, the final nail went into the Alton Brown coffin. I was watching part of a special where several Food Network chefs each cooked a summer dish in South Beach, FL. Tyler Florence was the glue holding all the different segments together. As he helped Alton with some grilled fish thing, Tyler made the mistake of saying something helpful for us viewers at home. Alton had to cut him off and explain, in his know-it-all way, why what Tyler said was obvious and how much more about it Alton knew. His was the most boring dish at the table, but he was the most pompous.
You were just grilling fish. Get over yourself!!!!
Time to TiVo Giada's shows. Even when her shows are bad she at least has a nice body and an infectious smile.
I get a little uncomfortable when I remember that I actually used to like Alton Brown. And Rachel Ray. And - oh god, no! - Emeril Lagasse. And I used to think Giada was freakish and scary because her smile consumes most of her face. And she is skinny - how can I trust a skinny cook? SHE DOESN'T EAT ANYTHING!
Haha. What a painful reversal. I guess I just have to allow that I've evolved as a person. I hope no one else holds it against me (as much as I myself do, anyway!).
I hate EVERYONE on the foodnetwork
Please don't insult dungeon masters like that. They never did anything so horrible as to warrant being compared to Alton Brown. ;)
I hate him now that I realize he can't -pronounce- a single damn thing right. Who the hell calls miso "mee-soo," even after someone else right next to him says it properly. I don't mind know-it-alls as long as their attitude is well-founded. Alton is just a high school science dropout that got lucky enough for some pointy-haired executive to see him as marketable.
MAN I hate him...
Amen, sister.
I'd suggest its time to start the "Hate-Alton-Brown" club but he'd just take it as a badge of honor that people hate him.
How does one get a Food Network show canceled?
I can not stand that man. He is complete cheese and is so over dramatic. His acting is terrible... He needs to be off the network and maybe in community theatre. Drives me crazy...
And he is a complete ass to people trying to make it on the network.
alton brown sucks ass!!!! i wanna bash my tv in everytime his stupid voice and show comes on!
I agree with all of you guys. I get SO awkward whenever he is on tv acting... which is basically when ever he is on tv... Iron Chef? Dude. You notice at the end of the episode when he has to pass onto the "man who knows all about the scores" haaaaaahahaaaa I just can't WATCH it and every episode he tries to reword it, or something....
Anyone know what I'm talking about? lol
I can never quite decide: does he just not know that his campy style isn't funny or does he think he's being goofy?
He would *definitely* love to do the scoring himself. He gets so awkward being forced to let someone else have the spotlight.
Make him get into the ring one of these days, actually cook against a real chef...
I actually went to a book signing and he was incredibly patient, gracious and friendly to everyone there. (And the event was long and had to be exhausting.) If you bother to see the man in person, and get to meet him, I think you'll find yourself liking him after all.
Oh, I have no doubt that he's a decent human being, that his mother loves him, that he is good to his wife and/or kids.
This isn't a personal thing--I don't know him personally--this is a "I can't stand his TV persona" thing. Since that's the only Alton I know, that's the only one I can comment on.
Somehow I don't see any of you getting Alton of the air. I found this by doing a google search to see if anyone had such an intense hate for him as people seem to have for Racheal Ray and Sandra Lee. This is really the only thing I could find. As for the rest of your comments I can't agree. I like Alton I think his shows are good and so are many but not all of his recipes. Also at least he takes the time to show the aveage home cook how to use knives, pans, and other kichen hardware. Many people who wach Food Network want to learn to cook so they can get away from the Sandra Lee seasoning packet semi-home made thing, but also can't relate to the stuffy every has to "up-scale" to be good Bobby Flay way. Alton and Good Eats fits the bill.
One last thing burgers are good, to paraphrase the man there are no bad foods just bad food habits. So if you can't enjoy a good burger every so often, thats you loss.
ZOMG! My little blog, tucked away in a dusty corner of the Internet isn't going to take down the Czar of FoodTV??? Time for me to just pack up my HTML and go home...
Its tiresome when we can't stand it that anyone, anywhere doesn't worship our chosen idol. That someone exists in the big, bad Internet who doesn't think Alton is a god is a problem that must be corrected! Out damn spot!
Oddly enough, that just entrenches my annoyance. Not only is Alton a bad cook and a cheesy showman, he's now a cult figure!
I love a good burger, that monstrosity he was eating was *not* a good burger.
By all means, learn to cook! Its great fun, can be very rewarding, and very exciting. But turn off the TV and go into your kitchen. You learn how to cook by actually cooking, not by watching a bad showman talk down to you while pretending to be folksy (make no mistake, he thinks he's better than you and Bobby Flay).
What are you, 12? You troll the Internet looking for someone who doesn't like Alton Brown then get offended that all 4 of us exist?
Taking anonymous, poorly thought out, pot-shots at my career and cooking while extolling the virtues of your hero don't make for an interesting post. At least you could come up with an original attack instead of quoting me back to myself.
/yawn
Oh. my. god. That is hysterical. And I thought the defensive self-righteous BS I got from the Firefox team were the stupidest blog comments ever.
Seriously, who are these people? Is this what the next generation of internet users is gonna be like? Treating the entire web like SlashDot?
It's a blog. It has opinions. If you little babies can't handle that someone in the universe doesn't agree with you and have to start calling them names and pouting to make yourself feel better, then maybe YOU NEED MEDICATION. Jesus. F. Christ.
Teehee. The power of Delete.
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I need to exercise it more myself.
Ok for those who really hate Alton . Let me tell you that I was in culinary school when he was admitted, he was admitted to the accelerated program, which means that you must show a great knowledge of skills and food . But I doubt that he had any of these i think he was admitted because he came to the Founders of the school and proposed his little show to them and as the whores they were they admitted him to the program. Now when he was in school he was a BIG ASS!. Thought he was better than everyone else. Always talked down to others never associated with the students, not the ones with talent. So there you have it Alton Brown was an ASS and will always be one
So its *not* just his TV persona!?!!?
I think David's first-hand account is the best evidence we have had so far. Alton Brown really is an ass.
I keep hoping that his popularity will wane so culinary schools will want to disavow him, but like Martha Stewart he just keeps going and going.
His food still sucks and he's still an ass!
alton brown was ans ass in culinary school (new england culinary) and he still is an ass, and uglt too.
Teehee. What is this, google's #1 return for "I hate Alton Brown"? I swear, you've had more comments on this page than my whole site put together, LOL.
went to culinary school (neci) with alton brown, and he was an ass then too!
My letter sent to the Foodnetwork -- Regarding Alton Brown:
I have been an *avid* fan of the Foodnetwork for many years; from the first day it was offered by my Cable company- which, I believe, is at least 10 years ago!
My 4 top chefs from your channel are Paula Dean, Emeril, Rachel Ray and Alton Brown. However there are many other shows and chefs that I enjoy as well.
But I am sorry to say that I am scratching Alton Brown off my list. I can not express my level of disappointment in him after reading his horribly derogatory remarks (given in an interview, and then repeated by bloggers and newsletters everywhere!) regarding "fat people."
How dare he degrade and disrespect the fans who support his show and buy his books with such rude, childish comments and bigotry! How very UN-Christian of him!
Being a long time student of psychology, I understand he was speaking out in that manner as a way of masking his OWN fear and self-loathing regarding his own body image and self esteem. But that does not excuse his behavior, only makes it all the more PITIFUL.
*** I will NEVER watch Good Eats again, nor will I watch Iron Chef, or any other Foodnetwork program that features Alton Brown in any capacity whatsoever.***
Stick a big fork in Alton's love-handles, he's totally "done" in my book...
Please pass this message along to Mr Brown,
and inform him that his name is associated with plenty of sneering and scoffing on many Fat Acceptance and Anti-discrimination websites and blogs everywhere!
He should be ashamed of himself - and his disregard for the people who helped him get where he is (was) today.
I dissagree with those who dislike Alton Brown, However you are allowed to have your opinion and I am allowed to have mine.
Oh god, still with the Alton Brown comments-! Jesus, get over yourselves people. This is a blog, an opinion page. Those of us who actually care about Jeffrey and his thoughts (as opposed to those who only care about this ONE thought) can do without all these personal grudges and preachy patronizing bitches. If you have something to vent, Blogger and LiveJournal will be more than happy to provide you with a forum. If you just want to judge, then by all means go ahead and stare at us all with disapproving superiority, but you're really no better than the flaming trolls, and a hell of a lot less amusing. :P
Will the madness never end!?!??
I'm pretty sure I don't need anyone to tell me I am "allowed" to have an opinion. I'll take it one step further: I"m allowed to *have* an opinion and also I'm allowed to *express* it!
Its one of the reasons I still live in the US and haven't moved to China.
Alton Brown is a public figure. He makes his living in front of a camera where thousands of people watch. If he can't handle criticism then he's in the wrong line of work.
What I wonder, is why his fans can't handle the criticism.
In the year since I posted this I have completely stopped watching Food TV. Instead, I have been in my kitchen, cooking!
Give it a try, you might find you like it.
I have been watching a marathon of Iron Chef and I realized what a douche this guy is. He constantly interrupts the "floor" announcer and correctly him like he is some brain dead prop. I literally can't even watch the show anymore because Alton drives me crazy!
my husband and I HATE Alton. He is SOOOOOO annoying!! Can they PLEASE kick him off Iron Chef?? It would be such a good show without his homoerotic bitchy comments to Kevin Brauch and his mom/himself. ARGH!!! He makes us turn off Food Network on a nightly basis.
Can he stop lying to his "wife" and get with Kevin already and get off my TV????
ALTON BROWN 4 EVER
Oh and don't f*#k with DMs. Wouldn't want an acid trap to go off in your face...
Sheldon: are you a bit of a NERD?!?!
DEATH TO ALTON! VIVA LA RESISTANCE!
I think if you have comments open on your blog, you can't freak out when people use them to disagree with you. ;P The whole "internet free speech" thing works both ways, ne?
I for one enjoy Alton.
I think you are mistaking the free speech you can have on your own blog with the free speech Jeffrey has on his. He can, for instance, delete all these remarks any time he wishes.
I am amazed at how many people have completely misinterpreted that particular amendment in the constitution.
Oh - and demonstrating that y'all with Alton grudges/crushes are completely coming from out of nowhere, several of the comments in both directions are from Jeffrey's friends, with whom he is engaging in cheerful mockery. Whereas the rest of you just make us shake our heads and sigh.
what do any of my comments have to do with "free speech"? I made fun of an idiot for being so uncreative as to only be able to quote me back to myself. I deleted his comment because it annoyed me.
Did I "freak out" at some point? I thought I was having fun with silly people.
Well, luckily despite all of the annoying things you point out, he still explains cooking far better than any of the cardboard cutouts on the other cooking shows.
Is there any other cooking show that describes what is going on instead of just how to follow a recipe? I'd love to find another cooking show that makes me want to watch....a cooking show.
His approach is why I watched the show in the first place and why he has enough viewers to keep on the air: he's very unique among cooking shows. If I strip my issues to the bare minimum they are:
1-he isn't a very good cook, his food is unimaginative and boring
2-he's an arrogant prick
I'm not in the advice business, but for myself I found that turning off the TV and getting into the kitchen and trying things is much more fulfilling. I just got an updated copy of "On Food and Cooking" which explains the underlying science of how things work in the kitchen much better than a cheesy half-hour show can hope to do.
If I were in the advice business, I'd tell people to pick up a copy of that and a copy of any mainstream cookbook and start cooking! Find your own culinary voice because Alton Brown's is terrible.
For some reason I feel like people are more insane as each day goes by. To hate a single person so much; based on his show? Or the fact he's and ass? He does a great job, and I have cooked plenty of his recipes. Perhaps you lack the ability to actually cook? Anyway that's a problem you need to work on. How about instead of hating, we come to something called constructive critisim? There are ups and downs in everything in life. I will say yes sometimes he can be annoying, though most of the time he is very informative. And yes, with fame, intellect, or anything that puts you above the norm will give you an unlikeable trait, and your probably going to have it anyway. So stop the flaming and just know Alton Brown is not the worst thing out there. As for the Mail to Mr. Brown about his fat comments, get over you ******* self. I'm glad the sting of his words will penetrate your feeble mind. How about you go do something with your life rather than letting a comment be the excuse you look for everyday to justify your ability to be fat? This is my opinion. I say that and I will still have a troller.
Dale: Dude, if anyone needs to work on themselves it's probably you. Telling a stranger "that's a problem you need to work on" and then going on to say "...your feeble mind". Geez, buddy you sound like a ton of fun. Oh yeah, this is my opinion.
Amen brother. Until I found this, I thought I was the only person in America who could see how excruciatingly annoying Alton is. I've disliked him since I first saw him in 1999.
American Iron Chef would be bad no matter who hosted, but he makes it insultingly so. He, and that female Japanese judge they have on sometimes, whose only comment about the food is invariably how oily it is.
I sometimes think about removing this post because of trolling comments like Dale. But the fact is, Alton Brown worship is still alive and well and it is nice to have one place where we can all express ourselves and vote:
A-Alton is an ass
B-Alton is a terrible cook
c-All of the above
So I'll roll my eyes at people telling me I can't cook and that I'm too mean (or feeble-minded??? Have you read anything else on my site? I design authentication systems for the next generation of wireless broadband, what have *you* done with your brain? Oh, *and* I'm a triathlete--what have you done with *your* body?) because the Internet needs one little place where people can say it lout and proud:
I HATE ALTON BROWN
I hate Alton Brown. His show is so low quality in every aspect. His know it all attitude is so disgusting. I just caught Good Eats while channel flipping. He was talking about popcorn, and had like 10 types...like anyone actually keeps 10 types of popcorn on hand.
Who on earth likes this show? Pull the plug Food Network!
I really need to join the club. I really hate this guy. He never shuts his mouth. I wish I could just sew it shut.
I rarely look at blogs, but this entry (and especially the comments) makes me laugh. Wow. Bravo. A perfect example of heightened self importance on all fronts ...
yeah, he's an ass alright. He calls his fans "fat" and "freaks". Alton, you f*&$ing fat freak who PAYS YOUR BILLS?????????
I should delete this entry... I was wondering today if AB really was Alton, doing what we all do: googling himself.
Maybe
Should I be honored that I'm the top google hit for "hate alton brown"? Like I've said before, I don't know the guy, I'm sure he's a fine individual. A dozen people love/hate his TV self and have found this spot to express themselves.
I guess it stays for a while, more because I'm an obsessive archivist with an insistence that history matters, no matter how we change than because it's relevant.
So post away, but please, for the love of Alton, turn off the TV, go offline, and try to cook something yourself!
I just want to say this you say AB is pompous and thinks that he knows it all. That maybe true but I enjoy his show because he is entertaining. I have learned a lot from his shows the one thing he does preach and maybe you have forgotten is that he also is an advocate for self expression. So I chose to overlook his flaws. I also want to say that by saying these things about him you are in fact doing the same things that you accuse AB of.
I think there is to much hate in this world as it is. Hate is a very strong word and we all need to be careful of how we use it. I don't not begrudge you your opinion not in the least. But the thing we all forget is we are brothers on this planet. We are all the same and thus we need to treat each other as we wish to be treated ourselves.
Please everyone remember this before you judge someone or say you hate someone. Because what you send out will comeback to you. This world and the lives we live are all gifts. We should cherish not just ours but each others. Because someday a person you see on the street may just save you life or help you in some small way that you will never see. And if we all keep that in mind and do the same give a person a nice word or even help them in a small way this world would be so much better than it is now.
To "Annonymous" - Advocate for self expression??? LOL. Your post was the cheesiest thing I've read in a long time. Thanks for the laugh!
Jeffrey - Enjoy your patch of notoriety. The internet is a crazy place, but it sure is entertaining.